"And homeless near a thousand homes I stood"

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Originally uploaded by wabi6.

The Roman Historian Publius Cornelius Tacitus once observed; "They made a wasteland and called it peace.” These words can apply to souls as well as to countries.
My struggle lately could be called a literal jihad; a holy struggle within ones’ self. And the price for a wasteland peace is too great a one to pay. Nor is it a real peace, peace that deeply abidith….wasteland peace is more like the stillness of the void....

Questions:
I wrote about physical homelessness a couple of days ago, but what of spiritual homelessness? Why do I feel as one adrift on empty waters when I long to be one sailing unknown seas but to a sure destination?
I yearn for a spiritual community in which I will rise to the deepest depth of true serventhood. But why not here? Why not now? I search for God where others have found Him; is it that I do not have eyes to see, nor ears to hear? Why can’t I just be content with what is offered before me? Is it because I don’t want to settle or is it because pride hardens my heart? Do I long for more because I want to honour God, or myself?


How are these lines of T.S. Eliot to be interpreted, concerning my life?

Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
T. S. Eliot

Are they a call to continue the path that seems to lead onward through the dark night of the soul? Or are they an admonishment for me to get over myself? To start living what is here and now? I know that, in part, the answer lies in inteniality...I am not being intentional with my life and that must change. But the cycle of questioning continues...how to move into intentional spirituality, relationship, growth, outreach. And whose intentions? mine or His? How to make those one and the same......

Somehow I know there is more, and still I will search for it. May I be open to finding it wherever it lies….whether it be in front of me all this time or whether I must leave the known and traverse a new path. My heart longs to beat in it's true spiritual home and my soul to sing in the shadow of His wings….

to be continued.....

P.S. The title is a quote from William Wordsworth.